Lunch, Grief and Time Together

I had not met with Nancy since her daughter's visitation almost year ago.  I have followed her postings, and thoughts on Facebook, but today was the first time that it was just the two of us. After setting the meeting, I was wondering if there really would be things for us to talk about. Would she cry? Would I cry? Would Nancy want to talk about her daughter? How would she feel if I'd ask her some questions?

Neither one of us cried; we came close to it but smiling won today.  We talked about how do you ever get over a child's death (in this case teenage daughter). How do parents deal with the grief? What about the siblings?  Nancy also shared something that really stuck with me. She said that when people would say "just let me know and I will do anything," her response would be: "take me to lunch." Nancy said that usually she would not hear from them again.  WHY??? Are we  as human beings so unprepared to deal with death and grief that we will offer money and empty words, but do nothing that would actually require an effort?

I have never lost a child. I don't know how that feels. I have lost many loved ones and I am familiar with grief. Can I share another person' grief without making everything be about me and how I would feel? Absolutely! I can listen. I can share stories that I remember about her daughter. I can share how differently I responded when my parents died to when my husband died. I can share how my mother-in-law responded when her son died. We can talk about everyday "stuff:" our children's lives, living situations, girl and boyfriends, future plans etc. And we can enjoy good food and time together!

Why did I even worry about my words? I was going to meet a friend! I came home blessed because I had spent time with a friend!