Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Single Moms & Adoptive Moms & Want to be Mothers

I was reading my Facebook page the other day when I saw the link about my friend Lilly who became a mother after 17 years! She and her husband adopted two boys from India.(You can read the article here, but only if you can read Finnish.) Last summer when I arrived in Finland, they were just leaving to get their boys, and a few days before I left to come home, Lilly and husband came home with their boys. Definitely a joyous moment.

Another one of my friends had posted about her son competing in the International Culinary Competition in France.(He got the 12th spot.) Years ago, when I first met Tuula, she was a single mother raising her son on her own. Today she is rejoicing in her son's success in the international culinary world.

Two special days are also approaching: Valentines's Day and three months later Mother's Day. Both can be equally hard for those who do not have the required ingredient in order to share and celebrate the day's activities.
Take, for example, Valentines' Day: In America, this day is all about romance! Not about friendships, but romance. What about if you are a single and not currently in a romantic relationship? You better not go out for dinner that night intending to relax with a good book while eating at your favorite restaurant. Take out is definitely a better option for that day.
BUT, couldn't we celebrate friendships? You know, the ones that often last much longer than the romantic relationships.

What about Mother's Day? (And yes, I know I am a bit early with this one.) My heart goes out to my teaching colleagues who are trying to start their families while watching others accomplish the same without even really trying. I am also thinking about my friends who decided that they will wait until they are married, but the marriage has not happened, and now it is too late for biological children. What do you say to someone whose greatest desire is to become a mother, but it is not happening? How do you comfort your friends?

I don't have any answers, however, I would like to say thank you for all the single mothers! Thank you for staying strong when life was hard. Thank you for being a mother even it was almost too much. Thank you for giving your children a better future by mothering them no matter what.

And thank you, to all of you who have adopted children! Maybe you did not become a mother by chance; but you became a mother by choice! I want to celebrate you this week of the Valentine's Day. You have chosen to love a child! What better gift could anyone give to a child.

Here is my thank you to everyone who loved a child today! Whether it is your own, your student, your niece or grandchild, or your neighbor's child; thank you for loving a child today!

16 comments:

  1. This is such a joyous thank you note on a topic that is so painful. I have had the experience of fostering not a child but young woman who had been in the system her whole life. We need people to step up and love those without mentors in their lives. Happy Valentines, friend ...xo nanc

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  2. You are one of the single mothers. Kiitos.
    I think that you didn't bring the Mother's Day theme up too early. It should be probably in people's minds and talk more often.
    For Thursday: Head sõbrapäeva!

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    1. Thank you Terje! I am off to a Friendship Tea today. Will think of you:)

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  3. What a wonderful, thoughtful post. Thank you for all the wisdom and kindness in your message.

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    1. Thank you Tara! We keep loving all the children.

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  4. I truly loved this post. My cousin and his wife recently adopted a son, and she is still struggling with the fact that she can't get pregnant. I, however, view their choice to adopt as an amazing testimony, because they CHOSE this little stranger to love and bring into their family. He truly is such a joy. I agree that this is such a special love to be celebrated everyday, and especially on Valentine's Day. This was such a thoughtful post, and I enjoyed it so much. Thanks you, and Happy Valentine's!

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    1. Thank you Emily! Hope your Valentine's was a good one!

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  5. Thank you for writing this, Jaana. I am a single mom and my boys were all I focused on for a long time. Through God's grace both of them have turned into wonderful young men. I hope you have a wonderful Valentine's Day and Happy Mother's Day to you too!

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    1. Thank you Trace! From one single mom to another, have a blessed day!

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  6. I saw your post early this morning and just wanted to say thank you for writing what so many people think about as this candy and flower filled season of holidays unfolds. We so often forget that what we do every day for the children entrusted to us MATTERS and MAKES A DIFFERENCE. I am 100% sure that YOU make a difference every day!

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    1. Thank you Anita for your kind words!

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  7. Love this, touched me in a variety of places, Jaana. But the best to tell you is that there are 5 adopted children in my extended family, two of whom are mine! I have a colleague who just adopted her second child, and when I share, there is always someone who says, oh, that's me, too, I have one, two, even three adopted children. And, I love that end, love & hug on all the children you can-so important.

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    1. Thank you Linda! I may only have one of my own, but there are so many to love at school! I have students who live in the US with their relatives or siblings--parents are still in a different country.

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  8. This is such a great post. You did a much better job of putting my thoughts into words than I would have. I related to so many parts of your writing that I felt like you were writing about me! Thanks for sharing, and for acknowledging all of the perspectives of these holidays!

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    1. Thank you for reading my blog Jenb, and your kind words.

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